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Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

Remains #1 …a new creation…

09 Jul

Those close to me are well-aware of my many trials and tribulations. They know of my mental, professional, and legal struggles. They know of my addictions and of my path of recovery.

While this blog initially consisted of random thoughts and observations, I’m now adding a new feature that will chronicle the insights and lessons that I continue to stumble upon as I travel the rather steep and sometimes treacherous path of recovery.

This feature will not be a casual glance in the morning mirror…a glance taken only after the image has been showered, shaved and combed. This will be an intense examination of my “remains.”

Remains are the left-over’s, the remnants and the ruins. To the fraud, the remains are the pressure marks left upon the face when the mask has been removed. To the gambler, the remains are the coins left in one’s pocket after the fortune has been spent.
To the funeral director, the remains are the dead body whose spirit has departed.

But to me…my remains are much more! To me, my remains are the person I’ve admitted myself to be…melded into the person God is allowing me to become. To me, my remains are the mosaic that God is creating out of the broken pieces of my life.

 
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Posted in New Life

 

…on being perfect…

13 Nov

My friend has a developmentally disabled daughter. I’m unsure if the little girl’s condition is a syndrome…or a disorder…or a deficiency. I only know that the father questions why his little girl isn’t “perfect” like other children.

His question sends my mind reeling. Are there any “perfect” children? Are there really any “perfect” people?

I’m definitely not perfect! I have a broken leg. I’m over-weight, over-bearing, and self-centered. I’m sarcastic and cynical. I struggle with depression, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. I have an embarrassing past and a questionable future. I procrastinate as long as possible, and rarely finish what I start. And lest you forget…I have a broken leg!

I sincerely doubt that there are any perfect people in this world. Most of my wealthy, and seemingly healthy friends have skeletons in their closets. Many of my seemingly comfortable friends are kept awake at nights due to a guilty conscience. Some of the most arrogant people I know are actually the most emotionally insecure.

Still, my friend wonders why his little girl isn’t perfect like other children. She awakens every morning to loving parents and to a day filled with wonder and awe. She giggles over things I barely notice. She accepts without question everyone and everything she meets. She isn’t plagued with self-doubt, doesn’t worry about the future, and she sleeps every night with a clear conscience.

She may have a syndrome…or a disorder…or a deficiency. But in my eyes, she is one of the most perfect children ever created.
 

 
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Posted in New Life

 

…no shame on me Daddy!

07 Jun

When my son was just a little guy, he spilled his milk…which caused me to frown disapprovingly.  But before I could make any verbal reproach, he pleaded, “No shame on me Daddy!”

I had apparently gotten accustomed to using the words, “Shame on you.”  No parent should ever use that phrase…no teacher, no friend, no body.  

Those of us who have struggled to recover from addictions have had to grasp the difference between shame and guilt.  This difference determines our ability to ask for…and to accept forgiveness. 

Simply put, I am ashamed of who I am…but I’m guilty of what I’ve done. 

To be ashamed of who I am would be to say that God created a flawed, worthless and useless human being.   Personally, I don’t think God works like that!  I should have no shame for being who I am. 

Still, I am guilty of many things.  I have made bad choices, I’ve said things I shouldn’t have said, I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done, and I’ve been in places I shouldn’t have been.  For all these mistakes…I am guilty.

But to be ashamed is an entirely different matter.  I should never be ashamed of who God created.  No, my son was right on target…”no shame on me, Daddy…no shame on me.”

 
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Posted in New Life