Honest to God #3…when faith and hope are lost…

04 Jan

His son is an adorable little boy…a precious gift from God. Like most little boys, his son is sweet and loving one minute…yet uncontrollably mischievous the next.

But his son is not like most other little boys. His son was born with a chromosomal deficiency which results in autism, ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorder, sensory processing disorder, speech delay, and countless behavioral challenges. His son is not like most other little boys, since there are only 300 other children in the world with this disorder.

It is no surprise that his faith and hope seem lost. It’s hard to have faith in a God who allows such things as chromosomal deficiencies. It’s hard to grasp that single thread of hope, when a steel cable seems vital for a family’s survival.

I’ve personally learned not to blame God for what some wrongly consider to be “mistakes” of nature. My friend’s son is not a mistake…he’s a miracle. I believe in a God who created the world through evolution. And I find it absolutely amazing that the cells, chromosomes, and DNA strains that God created have combined and evolved into these miraculous beings we call human.

Obviously, over the evolving generations some anomalies and abnormalities have occurred. It is up to each of us as to whether we consider these anomalies to be miracles or mistakes. (I might ask if Elizabeth Taylor’s violet eyes were a mistake…since violet eyes are more of an anomaly than autism.) My friend’s son is a miracle…to consider him as anything else would be a mistake.

I don’t worry about my friend’s fragile thread of faith…surely God understands the frustration and concerns which continually flood the caregivers of special needs children. I worry about his desperate need for hope. His son’s chromosomal deficiency is not some silly phrase that will be outgrown in time. The deficiency is lifelong. The medical community doesn’t offer much hope. The educational community struggles to offer guidance and hope, but funds are sorely lacking.

My friend has promised to read this posting. I’m sure he anticipates my providing him with more hope than I’ve been able to provide here. Maybe you have a few words of hope to share with him. If so…please comment. He’ll be waiting…


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  1. Melissa

    January 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

  2. Nancy Smith

    January 4, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    Twelve years ago I layed in a hospital bed, desperately trying to stay pregnant with my first child long enough to give her a chance at life. My husband and I had done everything possible to ensure a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. It was not to be. In the middle of a snowy night, the doctors and nurses raced down the hallway with another woman who was about to deliver. I overheard them going over her history: Sixth pregnancy. No prenatal care. Full-term. Positive for cocaine, marijuana and alcohol use during pregnancy. I became so angry at God with each of the woman’s cries for pain medicine. Why did she get pregnant so carelessly when it took my husband and I over 6 months of negative pregnancy tests? How could God let her deliver a full-term and otherwise healthy baby when we were frantic to have just one precious miracle that would be loved and nurtured? From my work as a nurse at a local children’s hospital, I knew this woman’s situation was not unusual.

    A week passed and my health deteriorated to the point where delivery was the only option. Our daughter was brought into this world with a weak cry and immediately rushed to the NICU. She tipped the scales at 1lb 7oz. She struggled to live and sometimes it was a minute-to minute fight. When she was 2 weeks old, I went back to work, a few floors above her, on the pediatric oncology unit. I struck up a conversation with a mother of a little girl who was receiving chemotherapy. The mother did not know my story, as I never revealed my daughter’s story to my patients. I asked her how she managed to cope with her daughter’s illness, and specifically, how she dealt with feelings of the unfairness of it all. Her reply repaired my broken faith. She said,

    “Somewhere I realized that God gave me THIS little girl because He knew I would take care of her. He knew I was capable of providing for her needs. So it’s not that God was punishing me with a sick child. He gave her to me because he TRUSTED me with her.”

    Twelve years later, I still cry when I think about that mother and the divine paths that our lives took to meet at that precise place in time. It was like being baptized-all of the anger and bitterness I had felt towards God was suddenly washed away and replaced with the warmth of God’s love for my family. For the first time since my difficult pregnancy began, I had hope.

    “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..” Eccl 3:1

  3. Rex Loy

    January 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Thanks Nancy, for your heart warming comments. God’s trusting us to care for those with special needs…and God gifting the special child with loving parents…